Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my being single is dangerous.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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