Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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