i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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