i can't believe i had my finger in that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
