so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She announced her abortion via fbk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
