i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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