I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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