we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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