You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
