that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize