do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
