his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
