There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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