You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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