he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
