i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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