I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
