The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
