My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im part way to drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
