Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
True college students do jello shots in the library
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
