I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
