You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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