hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize