Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
