Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
