fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
