mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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