y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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