wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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