MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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