yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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