oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
