I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
