My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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