Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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