Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
