More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
