I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
