I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
