you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
