I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
