Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Less talking, more tequila
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize