i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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