if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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