you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Actions speak louder than pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize