I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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