i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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