Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
