you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
