How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
