I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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