My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
