The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
