One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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