We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize