Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
