you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's shark week go big or go home
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
