textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
