I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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