Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
