please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
