I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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