It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
