I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
