We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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