420 ftw
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
