Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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