Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
