i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
