there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
