did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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