Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
