How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
