Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
