i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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