so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
