You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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