just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The air was thick with penises
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
