I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
