Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
