Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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