Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
